I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
