Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
