Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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