I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
