I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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