New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
