my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
