plz talk dirty to me
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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