Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize