There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
