i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
