I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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