Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
