Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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