I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my shit smells like andre
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
