That's when you crack a 10am beer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
