2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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