i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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