quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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