just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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