Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
