i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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