did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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