We're facebook friends in real life
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
