...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
