I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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