i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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