I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
