Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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