how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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