New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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