watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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