I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
