worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
