Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
