I'm drive I can fine osifer
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
