this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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