my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
