dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
