I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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