i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
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