omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
