It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
