winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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