her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize