This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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