Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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