She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize