Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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