Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
