some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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