she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
