6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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