Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
