If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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