Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
