so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
