so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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