Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
