So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
