what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
