Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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