I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize