I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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